Enjoy this devotional written by a FlourishWriter’s Student…
In a whirlwind of frantic rage, I scrambled through the house, spitting commands at my children. Grandma was coming, the house was dirty, and time was running out. My son boldly protested, “No!” I snatched him up and yelled in his face. Inside the intensity of the moment, God pushed the slow-motion button and asked, “Why are you angry, Jeanne?” The question seared my heart as I replayed the events of the day. I hated the insane person I became in those moments.
That evening, I got alone with God and asked Him some tough questions. Why do I dishonor the people I love? Why do the promises of Scripture hit a brick wall when I read them aloud? I desire but cannot walk out, “For we are God’s Masterpiece created in Christ to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10) God was pleased to answer:
“Jeanne, you are broken. You are incapable of valuing your children as a masterpiece because you were not cared for as a precious masterpiece yourself. The way you were hit, yelled-at, controlled, and manipulated as a child, made you broken and confused. You do not have the love inside of you to see anyone of great value because you haven’t experienced it for yourself! (Tears ran hard.) Jeanne the message you received from the abuse doesn’t align with how I value you. You are inhibited from loving and honoring your children. Unforgiveness keeps you from experiencing freedom in this area. Will you forgive your mom for not valuing you as My Masterpiece? She is a broken woman too.”
I responded, “Yes!” I released my mom to the Lord and forgave her. Then I renounced the lies that had given me value: I am valued if I am skinny. I am valued if I wear make-up. I am valued if I look good. When I asked the Lord to tell me who I am in Him He told me He gave it all because He wanted me! “You are a Pearl of Great Price! Only I can tell you who you are and how much value you are to Me.” I asked Him to fill me with my inheritance from Him. My biological inheritance before the blood of Jesus was prolific with shame, guilt, pity, and self-hatred, but He died to take that upon Himself. He now bestowed His inheritance of value, worth, honor, dignity, and respect on me.
I breathed the sweetness of new life in my spirit, and let it fill me. I experienced deep and profound worth. I sat in the moment, relishing the encounter. The words from Psalm 34:8 came alive in me, “Drink deeply of the pleasures of this God. Experience for yourself the joyous mercies he gives to all who turn to hide themselves in him.”
The next day, I repented to my children for the rage, hatred, dishonor, and disrespect. I shared parts of my story — how God is healing me and filling me with His value and worth. I explained His love for us, that we are so precious and so important that He gave up everything to invite us into His kingdom. God treats us with honor and respect.
Do you realize that your childhood experiences are not the end of your story? God’s story trumps all! He is able to re-write His story in your heart. He cares so much for you and your family. When you fail — just like me — turn to Him, and He will reveal the way. He never turns His back on you, slams the door in your face, or kicks you out of His house. He values you SO much that He will do whatever it takes to get you to freedom.
“You see at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good reason someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:6-8
Jeanne Moran lives amidst the tall pines in Gainesville, Florida with her husband, Patrick and their six lively children. They also care for Patrick’s elderly Father, who is originally from Australia. Jeanne enjoys staying connected with the Flourish community and has benefitted in learning the simple but profound way to connect with Jesus even through the messiness and busyness of life. She loves chocolate, the simple moments of laughter with her children and quiet evenings in the hammock under the stars. She is convinced that no matter where you are or what season you are in, there is a blessing path to abide on. Jeanne’s desire is to abide in Jesus, no matter what the day brings!
