Infertility can be a cruel beast.
Every month I hoped to be pregnant, but time and time again, my hopes were dashed. At last, this month, my cycle was a week late. My prayers finally had been answered! But three negative pregnancy tests later I stood in my bathroom and had an honest, yet bratty, conversation with God.
I reminded Him that I had been faithfully and patiently waiting on His timing for our little miracle (like it was all about me!!).I suggested that He could not and should not mess with my out-of-control hormones by giving me three negative pregnancy tests when I was a week late!!
“Was this a cruel joke?” I thought.
Something was out of balance within me. God chose the perfect time to show me my strong desire that had created this imbalance in my heart. Our summer vacation just a couple days away.
During our vacation, I woke up extra early each morning to have time alone with Jesus. Home life had drained me, and I was running to the altar for a refill with the ocean in the background, and the sight of a sunrise was just what I needed. It was in those moments that God began gently revealing my little (or false) gods.
It had been a long day of fun and lots of sun when I heard the Father ask me that night in the shower, “What if I never give you a baby?”
The words stung, yet He wanted to know if I would trust HIM with HIS plans for my life even if I never get the very thing I desire most.
Right there in a shower turning cold, He asked me to lay down every plan I had and give Him my deepest desire. A baby from my womb! It took me a little longer yet I finally surrendered that desire early the next morning.
Nothing spectacular happened when I did. The sun still rose, and my belly still grumbled for breakfast, but I knew that for the first time I had peace about God’s will in my life. I chose to lay down my desires and accept His will instead.
So, what happened then? What happens when we are fully surrendered? It was a question I asked…
“We eat the fruit,” He answered.
It took me a few days to process what He meant by that statement. The best way I can explain it is by using my favorite fruit as an example.
I love mangos. I could eat mangos year around and every day. However, if I actually did this I would not only miss the spectacular variety of fruit that exists, I would be eating a fruit that was not at its optimal ripeness part of the year.
God’s will in our lives is like fruit. Our favorite fruit may be strawberries, but when we are surrendered to God he may give us fruit we do not particularly like or want, but we can trust that it is the best fruit for us in that season of our lives.
In the book of Proverbs we find a profound statement: “My fruit is better than gold, even fine gold, and my yield than choice silver.” Proverbs 8:19
Solomon, the author of the book of Proverbs understands that the fruit of wisdom is far greater than any fine gold, and that it yields a harvest that is greater than silver. Wisdom is more valuable than the finest possessions of this world.
When we surrender our desires and receive the fruit God has for us it produces in us the spiritual nourishment to walk out God’s specific calling in our livesduring that season.
It is the perfect recipe for our lives!
It’s when we want God’s will MORE than our own desires and plans that we are fully surrendered to God in that area.
Be encouraged that we can trust in the plans of God. They are good. Psalm 84:11 reminds us that “No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.”
We have a Father that delights in giving us the desires of our hearts, yet we must be sure that our desires do not rise above the very desire for God’s perfect will.
For the first time I was able to stop building my life without surrendering first to Him. Those steps led me to yield many more areas to God and to ask Him what HE wanted for my life.
He is an awesome God, and I am honored and privileged that He loves me, and He loves all of us so much that He will gently nudge us to align our hearts and minds with His will.
As you meditate this week on our DECLARE scripture, I pray that God will reveal to you the areas in your life that He wants full control over. These areas surrendered to a loving, and all-knowing God that has our best interest at heart will yield spiritual nourishment in us that will heal, empower, and equip us for the journey ahead.