So there I am in the grip of self-pity, shaking my fist at God, accusing Him of neglect. My hopes and dreams lay shattered at my feet.
Can you think back to a time when you weren’t getting what you wanted? You thought God’s heart was to bless you, but He wasn’t coming through. You found scriptures that detailed His promises to you. You petitioned God to give you the desire of your heart. But He didn’t. He did not answer your prayers. He did not give you what you wanted. How did you respond?
At this crossroads, we are offered the opportunity to die to self or to continue demanding our rights. I am reminded of a favorite passage in The Calvary Road by Roy Hession, “People imagine that dying to self makes one miserable. But it is just the opposite. It is the refusal to die to self that makes one miserable. The more we know of death with Him, the more we shall know of His life in us, and so the more of real peace and joy.”
I recall too a simple yet profound statement made by Joyce Meyer, “One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that you can’t be both selfish and happy.”
Then I argue with God, “But I wasn’t being selfish. I was just holding onto a promise that YOU spoke. YOU said it, and I believed it. Are you now telling me that I was wrong to believe that YOU could accomplish what YOU promised? I can quote scriptures all over the Bible that talk about YOUR promise-keeping abilities.”
God allows me to stew with my accusations. My troubled thoughts turn to Mary, mother of Jesus. She believed the promises, blessed and favored, chosen to bear and nurture the Son of God. However, these promises appear more threatening than comforting, as we ponder in this passage from our forthcoming book, Steadfast: Cultivating a Heart like Mary:
“What about the honor of bearing the Messiah, the long-promised Son of God? Mary is familiar enough with the Scripture to know that it was prophesied that the Messiah will be rejected (Isaiah 53:3). David had predicted that Messiah will have His hands and His feet ‘pierced’ through (Psalm 22:16), and that men will cast lots for His clothing (Psalm 22:18).
Mary knows that the Messiah will be killed as a sacrifice for the sins of His people (Isaiah 53:5–9). Scripture foretells that the Son of God will be put to death with criminals (Isaiah 53:12). Hardly what an expectant mother wants to know about the tiny baby that rests peacefully in her womb.”
As I ponder the reality of the promise that Mary had to walk out, my petulant accusations of Father God simmer to a more mature and sober consideration. I definitely have an idealized notion of what my promised life will look like: mission and purpose, victory and blessing, power and prestige. While we do experience glorious joys as we walk with Christ, there is another reality that is harder to face. In this life we also encounter confusion and hopelessness, defeat and fear, thieving and loss. Is this too part of the promise?
Jesus said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23) These gospel passages are not at the forefront of my mind as I consider the glorious future of my life in Christ. These promises of the cross, self-denial, and death are not the ones that I fervently claim.
As I ponder the life of Mary, I reflect back to the beginning of the story where her cousin, Elizabeth, and her husband Zechariah are met by the angel Gabriel with a promise from God in the midst of their sadness: “Elizabeth will bear a son, and you are to call him John. He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth.” (Luke 1:13)
The first part of the promise was fulfilled immediately: “Elizabeth became pregnant and for five months remained in seclusion. ‘The Lord has done this for me,’ she said. ‘In these days he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people.’” (Luke 1:25)
But the remaining fulfillment of the promise is unnerving, disconcerting and downright frightening. In Matthew 14 we read the conclusion of John the Baptist’s life. He was beheaded at the birthday party of King Herod who carelessly promised to do the bidding of an enticing young woman who danced at his party.
What kind of “promise” is this? The son who will be a delight and a joy? The baby who leaps in Elizabeth’s womb when she encounters Mary and Jesus still in utero? The one sent to prepare the way for the Messiah? The man who baptizes our Savior? The great John the Baptist dies because a powerful drunk bozo makes a rash promise. This inebriated birthday-boy-gone-mad has John’s head brought out on a platter because he does not want to shame himself in front of his party guests. What kind of end is this to a man with such a powerful call on his life? Is this a promise fulfilled?
This is where I throw up my hands. What do I know? Life does not make sense. We all have expectations about how life is supposed to turn out. We approach God with a long list of blessings that we expect, but rarely does life work out that way. The Bible is full of promised blessing and long-life juxtaposed with “promises” of death and brokenness.
Maybe part of the problem is that I do not understand promise and blessing. Perhaps I unwittingly rely on my limited human wisdom which muddles my ability to comprehend a God-centered view. I ponder the Beatitudes in Matthew chapter 5 which begin, “Blessed are the . . . “ and continue with a list of conditions that do not make it to my top ten list of blessings or promises that I’m claiming for my life: poverty, mourning, hunger.
And so I resolve to seek out God with my hands open, willing to receive whatever He gives me, with fewer rigid ideas of how it will look to see promises fulfilled, and more trust in God to work it all out for His glory and for my benefit. I will draw my eyes away from this earth life and all its distractions and instead set my gaze heavenward.
In closing, let us reflect upon the words of Paul:
“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” (Colossians 3:1-4)
