Enjoy this devotional written by a FlourishWriter’s Student…
The deep sigh, the silent tension, the soft whisper. This comes from being caught in the middle, once again, of my heart and mind where my emotions run wild. The middle of two lifespans are expected but take you to the unexpected. I call it the circle of life or the process of motherhood when the strings of my heart draw on tension between two opposite points. I want to freeze these familiar moments and hold them forever, alongside an unknown experience that promises growth and requires me to let go.
Twelve years ago, my firstborn was welcomed into the world. His birthday made me a mama. His arrival taught me how to hold a human being close. The heartbeat inside me was now beating on the outside. In that invigorating, magical moment when my eyes locked his and his whole body was balanced by the rhythm of my heartbeat, I recognized my most precious possession. Holding him in my arms was a miracle, a memorable moment that has not escaped my mind and has marked the start of many more “messy middle” moments.
I am mama to a baby boy, an innocent baby becoming aware and adjusting to the cold world. I see a warrior rising, a daring and determined boy becoming more. This transition from childhood to adulthood happens gradually. Here I sit in the “messy middle,” becoming a mama of an adolescent boy. I want time to keep moving so I can see everything he will accomplish, but I also want him to stay my baby forever. I went from nursing my baby to feeding him a slab of New York steak. How can this be? A baby bottle formed a milk mustache, only to become a Starbucks caramel macchiato that settles on his peach fuzz mustache, catching the last drop of his savory drink.
How does my heart handle and reconcile the past, present, and future?To let go but hold tight. To go from here to there. The soft whisper in my ear says, “God is in the process, and the gift is in the middle.” I am not today who I once was, and I will not be tomorrow who I am today.
Hiding from these emotions is no longer an option. Grace rescues me, and the eyes of my heart open to truth. Funny how it works—my heart gained feet before the eyes of my heart were opened. I had allowed my emotions to run the show. Walking my son into adolescence brings powerful emotion, not only because of moments left behind, but because I am losing control. When I say my heart gained feet, I mean things are moving outside of my control without my permission. God is scripting my boy’s story over His story beyond my control. The circle of life is on purpose and for a purpose—God is the only author and designer of each story.
I prayed some and then some more and found a precious story in the Bible. The Walk to Emmaus in Luke 24:13-34 describes the risen Christ who travels from Jerusalem to walk alongside two grieving disciples. The two men know of the woman at the empty tomb, but they fail to recognize the teacher’s miracle until he joins them for a meal. I see myself in this story. My boy is growing. With the eyes of my heart now open, this story shows me what to do in the middle.
In Luke 24, we see that Christ gets people up and moving. After Jesus reveals himself, the disciples rush back to Jerusalem with fervor. You see, caught in the middle is real and hard, yet tension rests and our choices are simple. Embrace God and turn to Him for truth. Let him become your bridge to thrive. The alternative is to exclude God and seek control, building walls around your own kingdom.
If we turn to Jesus and embrace the gift of the moment, a little fire of hope ignites in the “messy middle.” If we turn to Jesus and surrender the path forward, an expansive fire of trust sets our hearts ablaze for another way, a better way.
Jesus shows up in the most unexpected places—in the middle of the road with the two grieving disciples and in the middle of my joy and grief as I watch my boy grow and enter the unknown. I embrace the process and make a bridge, entrusting my son to God. When my son turned twelve, I handed over his life to God. A soft whisper became my loud praise, “God is in the process and the gift is in the middle.”
Be encouraged that our children are His workmanship. He has already prepared in advance for their good works. The will of God is bigger and better than we could ever imagine or design on our own. When you find yourself in the middle, surrender your feelings and tensions to the truth of the living God.
Paul says it best in Ephesians 2:10, “We have become his poetry, a re-created people that will fulfill the destiny he has given each of us, for we are joined to Jesus, the Anointed One. Even before we were born, God planned our destiny in advance and the good works we would do to fulfill it!” (The Passion Translation)
When a piece of your heart walks apart from you, invite Jesus to meet you in the middle of this messy adventure called life. I encourage you to trust Him and open the eyes of your heart to see Him fulfill your destiny and the destiny of those you love.
Erika is the wife of one adventurous warrior for 15 years, mama to 4 kingdom arrows (ages 3-12), Procter and Gamble manager for 17 years, and ambassador of truth and grace to many hermanas(os).
Above all, a daughter of the most high King made on purpose, for a purpose. She was born into a family with hard-working, Mexican immigrant parents who settled in the Chicago area where she was raised. She lived in Cincinnati, OH for 15 years and has been in Cape Girardeau, MO for 3 years.
She serves as the A&F Business Administrator and is passionate about creating kingdom warriors everywhere she serves.
This touched my heart so deeply because I am a mother of 2 young men and I felt the Lord purposed me to read this today at this moment. Thank you for being transparent and obedient Erika.
praise the Lord. blessings
Ahh. As the mom of three adult children, these emotions resonate with me. I missed most of them during the busy chaos of shuffling them from infancy into adulthood. With a few tears, I took a walk down memory lane as I read your heartfelt words. Now that they are full grown, I still long to reach out and say, “Slow down. This is all happening too quickly.” But slow down they won’t. So instead I choose to embrace with gratitude each day that I am blessed to watch them become the men and woman God has created them to be. Thank you for sharing your heart.
amen. slowing down is a gift
Beautiful piece, Erika!
I have five pieces of my heart out there walking literally around the world… only one of them still physically with me. What a good picture of the emotion of this aspect of life as our children grow up and out of our arms. I once heard that children when they are young are a handful and when their grown they are a heart ful… I think this is especially true for them as young adults as you have to sit back and let them make their own decisions for good or bad and then live with what they choose. The “messy in the middle” doesn’t ever go away I don’t think and this releasing them to Jesus only increases… growing our own faith… and theirs.
Thank you for this reminder this morning.
I have five pieces of my heart out there walking literally around the world… only one of them still physically with me. What a good picture of the emotion of this aspect of life as our children grow up and out of our arms. I once heard that children when they are young are a handful and when their grown they are a heart ful… I think this is especially true for them as young adults as you have to sit back and let them make their own decisions for good or bad and then live with what they choose. The “messy in the middle” doesn’t ever go away I don’t think and this releasing them to Jesus only increases… growing our own faith… and theirs.
Thank you for this reminder this morning.
Erika, me encantaria conectarme contigo. Ofreces tus servicios para otras empresarias Cristianas? Ojala te puedas comunicar conmigo en [email protected]
Gracias hermana!
Hola! me encantaria conectar. bendiciones. [email protected]
Letting Go and Letting God is the hardest thing for a mother to do. I am no exception. Living away from my family, most of the year has caused pain yet growth, at the same time. Thank you for sharing your growth in your journey of motherhood.
So beautifully said. My son recently left for college out oif state and part of my heart now resides in Florida. Dear momma, it doesn’t get easier to loosen the reins but such joy comes as you feel a sense of accomplishment releasing a child who will be a light to those around him. May God continue to hold your heart?❤️.
I love the warm sentiments of this story. Being stuck in the middle resonates with me, wanting to stay there but we can’t. Our children come through up, and we love them sooo, but they belong to the LORD. Thank you for sharing.
Amen. I find myself stuck in the middle often, but God is good in meeting us there.
Erika,
Reading the words penned from your heart, I felt a shared connection in my mama heart. Be encouraged that your voice is reaching spans that physically you could not in ten lifetimes. Stay humble knowing that the same God who blessed you with your children is now blessing you with the gift of expressing your journey through word. You can no more claim the beauty of your children’s lives than that of your written words. For neither your children’s lives nor the words you produce are born at your will. Rather, both were formed inside you by the Giver of Life. Keep trusting that He will provide all that you need before you ask it and remain faithful to bless this world with the treasures He gives you to share!
Love in Him,
Sarah
Your encouragement has blessed me tremendously. thank you so much for your comment. Such a powerful sentence that i will hold on to – “Stay humble knowing that the same God who blessed you with your children is now blessing you with the gift of expressing your journey through word.”
As a mother of 4, grandmother of 9, and
great- grandmother of 1, I am full this morning because of you! May the eyes of your heart, I pray, continue to find ways to share your gentle faithfulness.
amen. bless you.
What a beautiful heartwarming story that you weaved us through. My heart is full! I’m so in awe of your relentless nurturing and faith-driven teaching that you live each and every day. My children are grown now with children of their own. They are all Christians and are running the race. I loved your anedote of Walk to Emmaus. What an eye-opener to the disciples throughout time. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May His face shine upon you, giving you Peace. Thanks for your story.
Amen. Thank you for your comment.
This is so poetic, Erika. Thank you for sharing. I’m definitely in the “messy middle” with my 3 little darlings – ages 6, 4 1/2, and almost 2. This brought me to a place of peace as I read it, bringing to the forefront that I need to embrace this “middle” and all of the mess it brings because it won’t be like this for long. There can be joy in the mess and you really brought that home to me today. Blessings over you and your family!